Le Salon de la Coquettes

Hello, I'm insecure.

2011-11-22T18:02:00.001-08:00

That might as well be my opening line, because the way I'm acting lately with the boyfriend* ...
(In past posts the "boyfriend" was "Mr. Date")

So I find out that the boyfriend is spending his Thanksgiving in his college state to visit his ex-girlfriend's family and a few friends. The problem is that it pisses me off to no end, but no matter how I bring it up or how upset I act about it, there always ends up being some sort of "resolve" and the problem "goes away".

That fear, that insecurity, is coming back. The one where I dread being alone or never finding anyone like this guy. I'm afraid to lose like I was in my last relationship and that caused me to put up with a lot more shit than I should have.

I really need to take a stand and stop fucking around. It's time to put my foot down and demand the things that I want, fuck it, why not? I know what I'm worth and deserve what I ask for (which in my eyes is perfectly reasonable). Next time he visits the old alma mater, I should be there.

If he wants me in his life, he's going to need to start acting like such.

Le Petite Coquette

xoxo

A thought is a thought

2011-08-17T05:25:00.000-07:00

Whether good or bad.

I hate wasting time thinking about him because I'm pretty sure he doesn't waste as much time thinking about me. And this is not to say that I should measure all my actions against his, but doesn't it seem unfair?

I was going to have a talk with Mr. Date this weekend about no longer being "exclusive" since there really is no benefit to it at all -- but the talk never came up because I was too distracted by some affection. I think we definitely need to have this talk the next time I see him, because it's eating me alive.

Fuck you guy! FUCK YOU.

I need to date someone else - fuck it.

xoxo

Le Petit Coquette

Le plus doux baiser.

2011-08-16T20:45:00.000-07:00

There's something wrong about starving a relationship of affection.

That's what being with Mr. Date feels like sometimes, like I'm starving from lack of affection and it's pretty aggravating to think that it just doesn't burn within him, this desire to be affectionate with me, to touch my face and talk to me and laugh.

Perhaps he is not in love with me like both of us thought.
Am I?

I often find myself looking at him and admiring him. I long for him to kiss me, hold me and I wonder if ever the smile in my eyes betrays how much I have longed for it.

I hate him. No, I hate that I want him.

Something needs to be done about this. Something. something. some thing.

xoxo

Le Petit Coquette

Oddly Romantic

2011-08-15T12:19:00.001-07:00

Is it weird of me to find this slightly romantic? It's that odd Adams Family kind of love.

x0xo

Le Petit Coquette

El Silencio De La Espera

2011-08-11T19:29:00.000-07:00

Been reading Why Men Love Bitches as a way to remind myself of why it is that I haven't attempted to call or text Mr. Date since Monday -- because I'm worth the effort of him reaching out to me.

I spoke out to the universe this morning and had a moment of clarity -- without an argument or knowing that something is actually wrong, everything is OKAY.

This is probably the longest we haven't spoken since we started dating and quite frankly, I've come too far in allowing the silence to take over to be the first to break it, especially when I've been the one to make the first move in reaching out lately. Let's see how long he lets the silence go for.

In the meantime the one thing I can not allow myself to do is THINK of him -- I need to focus all this energy on actually doing things for myself.

xoxo

Le Petit Coquette.

Want What You Can't Have.

2011-08-02T21:34:00.000-07:00

Ain't it the truth?

Mr. One-Night-Stand refused to see the truth in this until I treated him like shit and kicked him to the curb; of course now it seems I did a little too much kicking to the curb.

What do you think, true? Do you feel like you lose your interest when you can easily get something you want? The grass is always greener, no?

XOXO

Le Petit Coquette

This Seat Is Taken.

2011-08-02T09:43:00.000-07:00

Easier said than done, isn't it?

I loved my ex with everything I had and then some -- fact is, if I found out today I could give him a kidney, I probably would not hesitate to give it to him, but he is too proud and in denial to realize this.

At suppose at this point it'd be great to get into the whole "love" vs. "in love" subject, but I'm sure that could wait to dominate its own blog post.

Letting go of my ex, as I mentioned earlier in my first post, has been one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life. He was my best friend and my most intimate lover. A few days ago we got into an argument and stopped talking to each other. Now, since our break up, this has happened quite a few times, but somehow this time it feels like we won't be talking to each other for a long while.

I miss him though, especially when this new loverman of mine is failing to give me all the loving I feel I deserve (and need). Perhaps I need to learn to be alone.

What to do ... I humbly ask for advice -- merci.

XOXO

Le Petit Coquette

[Morning] Delight

2011-08-01T21:17:00.000-07:00

Morning sex.

I'm usually a sex-during-moon-time kind of person, but my current boyfriend is a fan of the morning sex, and quite frankly I am starting to see his point.

I won't lie, however, and say that I don't miss fucking and then falling asleep.

There has to be more to the morning sex thing other than waking up with wood -- and one day I hope to find out the mystery behind it.

There's nothing better than good loving in the morning and even better when you pair it up with some genuine cuddling and a suggestion to play hookey.

These are the moments I really enjoy in my relationship right now and hope to see even later down the line when we've hopefully passed the one year mark.

Patience little coquette, patience.

xoxo

Le Petit Coquette

She's (No) Easy Lover

2011-07-28T08:47:00.001-07:00

Phil Collins, you should have fallen for a better girl.
I spoke to Mr. One Night Stand in hopes of ... really I'm not sure. I suppose in a way I wanted to feel like he wanted to genuinely be around me for who I am. I get that sense from the loverboy I'm dating, but he sent no love my way today.
Mr. Date failed to call or text all day which makes me feel just as dumb.
I need to channel the disappointment into empowerment.
I have lost no hope in love. I saw the movie Midnight in Paris tonight and I know that love is neither forced nor found, it just is.
Let's do it, let's fall in love.

xoxo

Le Petit Coquette

Bang Bang.

2011-07-27T23:05:00.000-07:00

Motherfucker stood me up.

Mr. One-Night-Stand asked me today if I wanted to skype video chat and of course I said "yes" -- just another way for me to keep busy until Mr. Date decides that he remembers I exist.

Showered with yogurt in hand, I was ready to chat away and after he tells me we'll chat it up in a few, he gets offline without so much as a peep.

I read & heard that if someone is really into you, they'll do whatever they have to, to make sure you know they are thinking about you. I think Mr. Date often forgets this and the One-Night-Stand Man just isn't into me: the personality, just me: ass & titties.

Off to bed. Nothing like a workout and a little sweat to cure the thinking.

Adieu.

xoxo

Le Petit Coquette

One Night Stand

2011-07-25T12:28:00.000-07:00

At least it was supposed to be.

I don't know how to have a fuck buddy. I have never been able to separate sex from emotion, because I'm not the kind of girl that likes to have more than one guy. It's not that I'm picky, but I don't click with just anyone in that special way and so when I do find someone that I can be comfortable with, it's like finding one of a few needles in a haystack.

This one night stand was a guy from my former retail job, who I admit I liked at first solely on his resemblance to my first true love. It was a shallow start, but I could tell the moment we locked eyes that something between us, whether temporary or "permanent" was bound to take place.

Sure enough, months later, the one night stand took place. I knew it wouldn't be more than that, but I had hoped that in seeing who I was, somehow he would like me enough to perhaps make it a fuck buddy thing. By the next morning I realized how much I could like him and like the big mouth girl I am, I told him that I was afraid that anything else beyond this point would make me fall for him.

He made sure to stamp the event as a "one time thing" and didn't bother looking for me after that. I couldn't stop thinking about him and approached him later, with the encouragement of a fellow coworker, only to be rejected in public (although it was not as dramatic as it sounds).

This rejection hurt more than I could describe, not for the rejection it self, but the humiliation that came with it.

Months later he tries to hang out again with no luck from my end since I have already begun to make the connection with my current loverboy. Ignoring him and treating him " like shit" has proved to be more fruitful than actually being nice to him. I find it sad that this is always the case with guys.

It makes me wonder if this will eventually happen with Mr. Date ... I certainly hope not.

Should I see Mr. One-Night-Stand? The last thing I want is to start things off with Mr. Date full of lies.

Enjoying the summer rain.

xoxo

Le Petit Coquette

His coquette around the boys.

2011-07-24T14:25:00.001-07:00

If he brings you around the guys, that's a good thing right? I always suppose that meeting the friends and family are signs that the roots of a "real" relationship are being established, right?

I read in Cosmo the other day that when around the boys you need not be one of them, but a femme among them, one that's cool enough to hang out with them while still being her feminine self. With this in mind, I've made it a point to check the vibe I put out there when I'm hanging out with the wolf pack.

Keeping their friends on your good side is almost as good as keeping their stomachs happy.

But as a cousin once told me: "being cool with them doesn't keep you in the know. They will hide his secrets, because they are loyal to him first."

Hard to imagine it because I feel so loved by them, but these are the wisest words. Keep them with you fellow coquettes.

I drink to that.

Le Petit Coquette xoxo

Friends With Benefits

2011-07-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

It was 4th of July weekend when I recieved the text that he wanted to hang. i quickly smiled and felt a rush through my body, because i know what happens when me and him "hang". I quickly responded to the message and tried to act as nonchalant as possible, but it was hard especially beacuase i had been celibate for 3 months.....3 months of nothing not even a kiss! so as we texted back and forth we finally came up with a plan to "hang". We were to meet @ the tattoo palor where he hosting a party. The time to "hang" came and meet up. I looked and felt great and so did he......we had a couple of drinks and danced. Then the event was over and he said " we can go over to my house and chill if you want" , "sure" I said. we arrived at his house had some drinks talked laughed for a few hours then he went in for the Kill and did things to my body that no writted words can explain............................then the morning came and i turned over and realized that i had had another passionate night with a man that i was just my friend.......its crazy me and him have been friends for 8 years and we started sleeping with eachother last year............i,m not used to haveing such intimate encounters with anyone, espically someone who is my friend. i have fears of falling for him or wanting more than benifits from this friendship. my mind ponders at the thought if me and him can be togteher or are we just gonna be intimate? its quite confusing espically whem you have know someone for so long.......is my pespective of this frienship tainted because of the sexual desires that i fullfill with him? or can i go on like nothing happened?

La Fabuleux Coquette

Falling in Love [at a coffee shop]

2011-07-07T05:43:00.000-07:00

I envy the lovebirds on the train.

[And] Honestly, what kind of fucked up shit is that? It seriously feels like the guy I started dating and got soft and opened up for barely gives me the time of day now. Comfortable already?
He isn't dying to be next to me and re-routing his plans to spend an extra five minutes by my side or holding my hand when we're walking side by side/sitting on the train.

Everyone's got a different way of showing their love, but is this even love?

We've had several conversations in the past month about what we're feeling for each other and it seems that both of us are hesitant to put what fragile hearts we have, out in the open; however, I strongly feel that holding back is only making us grow "cold" towards each other. This path we're on is growing tiring.

I said it last night and I'll say it again, "If you have to play a game, you're not in a situation of real love."

Last night I fell into a slump and cried my eyes out. Without saying very much to an old one-night-stand lover he offered to talk to me on the phone. I was surprised and after calming down, took up his offer. He's been trying to get into my pants since he's realized I might not be as psycho as he thought. "I fly off the handle," he says. Defensive much? I am, and you'd be too if you feel you had been left out in the "wild" to defend yourself.
It's my biggest character flaw and something I seriously need to work on.

Well coquettes it's about that time where I can't avoid starting the day.

Ciao.

xoxo

Le Petit Coquette

The Dirty Text.

2011-07-06T06:31:00.000-07:00

Dirty text messages.

At some point every female experiences sending or receiving one of these. If you're getting one from a guy you're really into, better you then someone else right? Now, what if you're the one sending? Come on, you know you either have or have wanted to.

You wake up and you think to yourself, "Wow, this fucking sucks. I wish he were here, he'd get some," but the way that's all laid out is boring and you might have something to gain from sharing this right coquettes?

I've sent a text out before to Monsieur Date and I got a very nice reply. I wonder if this morning's more assertive text will be greeted the same way. I do hope so.

So what exactly does it mean if a guy DOES NOT respond to your text message at all? I find that worse than actually getting a verbal rejection. Let's wait it out and see. Best thing to do until then? Busy up our time!

I encourage every coquette out there to send their homme at least one dirty/sex related text message. Wouldn't hurt to try it out, right? If you have trouble there are links all over the internet to show you how to get one drafted.

Ciao Coquettes.

xoxo

Le Petit Coquette

Two Months Deep

2011-07-05T16:05:00.000-07:00

"#youknowtheycheating when they don't want to make the relationship public."

Yesterday I spent the day with my boyfriend (Can I call him that? We'll get to that issue later.) and his family and friends for a little last minute 4th of July BBQ. His family and friends get along really well with me and I can tell that this really pleases him, as he tends to brag about it a lot.

Both of us have very recent ex'es more or less still in our lives, lucky for us both, those ex'es live in states far away, but I can't help having the feeling that he isn't yet ready to put it out there that we're dating each other. Am I being paranoid?

Yesterday he went photograph crazy -- I was included in several of the photos from the BBQ (sometimes at his request). Yesterday his best friend came up to me and whined that my boyfriend didn't want him to post pictures to Facebook. I have to admit that I was a little curious as to why and the answer to this never really surfaced. This got me thinking that perhaps he fears a picture of me with his family and friends might be concrete proof of a potential girlfriend existing.

I'm not exactly ready myself to socially link us to each other via Facebook, but it's definitely got me wondering how he sees this situation. Oh and the tweet above - I don't think he's "cheating on me", I just found the "relationship public" thing interesting.

This coquette is not going to let "love weight" get the best of her so I did a little something for myself and signed up for the gym in my building and tomorrow I'm going to start working out again. Being in love is no excuse for looking like a butter ball.

Ciao coquettes.

xoxo

Le Petit Coquette

Le Amour

2011-07-04T10:21:00.000-07:00

I started this blog because of love.

Simply put, a few months ago I had my heart broken. Contrary to popular belief, it is harder to break a heart than one may think. The heart, when in love, is extremely forgiving and often seals up the cracks before they manage to split it in half. I was in a long relationship, one that I was sure would last me well into my elder years, but somehow I was cruelly snapped into reality and there came a point where there was no denying what I had to do.

The boy (now man) that I had loved for so long was no longer into me, at least that's how it seemed.
After numerous nights of crying myself to sleep and mulling over why I had been so blatantly rejected by the one guy I had given my heart to, I found the strength within my anger to go through with a decision that I had never wanted to make before. Despite the inner turmoil, I pushed through, wanting to prove to myself that I could leave a bad situation.

For a girl who hasn't been single since her teens, jumping back into the dating scene is much harder than most movies make it seem and I often feel like Bridget Jones - love life all fucked up and confusing.

Fast forward a few months and I managed to find someone to date, and although I can honestly say I like the guy, there is all types of confusing going on there and a "game" that I'm sure I don't quite understand the rules of. Here's the one question I have been asking myself over and over...

"Why is it not enough to just love someone? Why do we have to play this game?"

Granted I understand what the "chase" is all about. Anyone, not just guys, are turned off by the insanely-easy-to-obtain, but why do I always have to carry a bag of tricks just to keep a guy interested?

I started this off with "simply put" right? Truth is, there might not be a simple way to put it. I need to let it out for myself and maybe for another Coquette out there who is trying her best to find herself a slice of happiness next to someone she adores (and who equally adores her). It's fucking frustrating, but maybe putting this out there will help.

xoxo

Le Petit Coquette